GRINGO THE WEREWOLF SAYS, “GET A GOOD LOOK AT MY FURRY ASSCHEEKS, BITCHES! I’M OUTTA HERE.”

GRINGO THE WEREWOLF SAYS, “GET A GOOD LOOK AT MY FURRY ASSCHEEKS, BITCHES! I’M OUTTA HERE.”

I’M TRYING TO VISUALIZE THIS PLACE WHEREIN DWELL TROOPS OF TWO WILDLY DIFFERENT CREATURES: KOBOLDS (TINY), AND HILL GIANTS (NOT AT ALL TINY). PLUS AN OGRE MAGI. AND THEY HAVE MEETING ROOMS, AS IF THE BOARD HAS TO COME TOGETHER TO HASH OUT SOME PRODUCTION ISSUES GOING FORWARD.

I’M TRYING TO VISUALIZE THIS PLACE WHEREIN DWELL TROOPS OF TWO WILDLY DIFFERENT CREATURES: KOBOLDS (TINY), AND HILL GIANTS (NOT AT ALL TINY). PLUS AN OGRE MAGI. AND THEY HAVE MEETING ROOMS, AS IF THE BOARD HAS TO COME TOGETHER TO HASH OUT SOME PRODUCTION ISSUES GOING FORWARD.

UGLI THE ARCHMAGE SAYS, “I REFUSE TO TRIM MY EYEBROWS. NO.”

UGLI THE ARCHMAGE SAYS, “I REFUSE TO TRIM MY EYEBROWS. NO.”

DRAGONFORCE COVERS JOHNNY CASH’S “RING OF FIRE” ON THEIR NEW ALBUM, MAXIMUM OVERLOAD.

BARON VON HUMPPENFRAGGER THE INBRED LORD OF THE SITTING ROOM SAYS, “I SAY, HAVE YOU TRIED THE DARKON CHEESE? IT’S CURSED BUT THEY SAY THAT’S WHAT GIVES IT ITS FLAVOR, YOU SEE. YES, IT QUITE STINKS LIKE A HORSE’S ASS BUT, YOU KNOW, YOU SIMPLY MUST EAT A LITTLE ASS EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE! AH HA HA HA HA HA! SAY, HAVE YOU HEARD ME PLAY MY LAPSPIELER? YOU SIMPLY MUST LISTEN, I’VE BEEN PRACTICING.”

BARON VON HUMPPENFRAGGER THE INBRED LORD OF THE SITTING ROOM SAYS, “I SAY, HAVE YOU TRIED THE DARKON CHEESE? IT’S CURSED BUT THEY SAY THAT’S WHAT GIVES IT ITS FLAVOR, YOU SEE. YES, IT QUITE STINKS LIKE A HORSE’S ASS BUT, YOU KNOW, YOU SIMPLY MUST EAT A LITTLE ASS EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE! AH HA HA HA HA HA! SAY, HAVE YOU HEARD ME PLAY MY LAPSPIELER? YOU SIMPLY MUST LISTEN, I’VE BEEN PRACTICING.”

TYPECAST WIZARD SAYS, “YOU KNOW, JUST BECAUSE I’M AN ACTUAL WIZARD DOESN’T MEAN I HAVE TO PLAY ONE IN EVERY ROLE. I CAN DO ROGUE! I CAN PLAY THE RETIRED, WORN-OUT FIGHTER! I COULD EASILY DESTROY YOUR ENTIRE CATERING VAN AND THE PRODUCTION CREW WITH A SINGLE INCANTATION! EHHH, FUCK IT, I NEED THE MONEY.”

TYPECAST WIZARD SAYS, “YOU KNOW, JUST BECAUSE I’M AN ACTUAL WIZARD DOESN’T MEAN I HAVE TO PLAY ONE IN EVERY ROLE. I CAN DO ROGUE! I CAN PLAY THE RETIRED, WORN-OUT FIGHTER! I COULD EASILY DESTROY YOUR ENTIRE CATERING VAN AND THE PRODUCTION CREW WITH A SINGLE INCANTATION! EHHH, FUCK IT, I NEED THE MONEY.”

AN NPC FROM A FORGOTTEN REALMS MODULE. I LIKE HOW HIS ONLY SKILL IN LIFE IS CARPENTRY, BUT THAT’S NOT WHY I THINK THIS IS HILARIOUS.

AN NPC FROM A FORGOTTEN REALMS MODULE. I LIKE HOW HIS ONLY SKILL IN LIFE IS CARPENTRY, BUT THAT’S NOT WHY I THINK THIS IS HILARIOUS.

MY WIFE, FROM THE TIME BEFORE WE MET.

MY WIFE, FROM THE TIME BEFORE WE MET.

FEBREEZE IS THE MOST HORRIBLE TOXIC SHIT. WHY IS THIS SHIT ALLOWED ON THE MARKET? THE STENCH IS ENOUGH TO GAG A MAGGOT, AS MY MOTHER SAYS.

monstrousparty:

A Wemic is like a centaur but with lion-parts instead of horse-parts.  Also, they’re lame.

YES, LAMENESS ASIDE, A QUESTION FOR ALL OF YOU INTO FIGURINES. HAVE ANY OF YOU EVER SEEN A WEMIC FIGURINE, AND IF SO, DO YOU KNOW WHO MAKES THEM?

monstrousparty:

A Wemic is like a centaur but with lion-parts instead of horse-parts.  Also, they’re lame.

YES, LAMENESS ASIDE, A QUESTION FOR ALL OF YOU INTO FIGURINES. HAVE ANY OF YOU EVER SEEN A WEMIC FIGURINE, AND IF SO, DO YOU KNOW WHO MAKES THEM?

BALLS. TWO OF THEM.

KIRSTIE ALLEY THE VAMPIRESS TABLOID DARLING SAYS, “I’M NOT CRAWLING BACK INTO MY TOMB UNTIL THEY RENEW CHEERS FOR ANOTHER SEASON. I DON’T CARE IF WOODY HARRELSON IS UNAVAILABLE. CHEERS NEEDS A BARTENDER! AAUUUUGGHHHHHH!”

KIRSTIE ALLEY THE VAMPIRESS TABLOID DARLING SAYS, “I’M NOT CRAWLING BACK INTO MY TOMB UNTIL THEY RENEW CHEERS FOR ANOTHER SEASON. I DON’T CARE IF WOODY HARRELSON IS UNAVAILABLE. CHEERS NEEDS A BARTENDER! AAUUUUGGHHHHHH!”

DEATHEYE THE ATTENTION-DEFICIT BEHOLDER SAYS, “BZZZZZRRPP BRAAAPPPPP FOOM FOOM FOOM! PEW PEW! PEW!”

DEATHEYE THE ATTENTION-DEFICIT BEHOLDER SAYS, “BZZZZZRRPP BRAAAPPPPP FOOM FOOM FOOM! PEW PEW! PEW!”

GENERAL DICK VON FAUSTIMARSCH SAYS, “AH, YES, THE PERFECT VANTAGE POINT FOR THE TROOPS TO SEE MY JUNK. EXCELLENT.”

GENERAL DICK VON FAUSTIMARSCH SAYS, “AH, YES, THE PERFECT VANTAGE POINT FOR THE TROOPS TO SEE MY JUNK. EXCELLENT.”

Heavy metal music reviewer, freelance writer. Type I Diabetic. D&D gamer, Dungeon Master 17+ years. Married. Absurd.

WHAT DO I POST?

Mostly Dungeons and Dragons miscellany, heavy metal music, and statements or questions that make little sense.

There is NUDITY on this blog (but not hardcore porn).

BANDS & RECORD LABELS: I write heavy metal music reviews. Put me on your promo lists. Drop me an ask for contact information.

NOTE: Most of the art (especially fantasy art) that I post is not mine. I add captions and other written nonsense to fantasy art in the interest of humor. Usually I do not cite sources. If your art appears here and you wish to be credited as the maker, please let me know.

FURTHER DISCLAIMER: As I said above, you may see or read shit here that you dislike or disagree with. If that's the case, then look away. I do not engage anonymous discourse with anyone. Face me as you are, and I shall do the same. This is a NO-DRAMA zone. I have more than enough drama to deal with every day in real life; I won't tolerate it here. This is a place for laughter, entertainment, and free expression of ideas and opinions, yours and mine alike. If you don't like that, then fuck you.

I accept SUBMISSIONS. What kind? Fantasy art (to lampoon with captions), RPG- and Gaming-related material, funny pictures, nudes and erotic art (as described above), writing...just about anything, within reason. I wield editorial discretion over any submissions.

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My Favorite B-Movie Queen

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I guess you can submit something. Nobody ever does, but you're welcome to if that's your thing.